An armed forces veteran, from Stevenage, has written a cathartic fictionalised version of his experiences in Iraq and Afghanistan as part of his recovery process.
Steve Black, 39, served with the Second Royal Tank Regiment for nearly eight years, between 2003 and 2010, and was struggling with his mental health back on Civvy St, until he was helped by Help for Heroes’ Hidden Wounds team.
He explained:
“Part of my therapy with Hidden Wounds was to relive some of my experiences, so I started writing them down.
“My wife started reading it and she thought, ‘it’s not just the trauma, there’s a lot of funny things in there as well’. A lot of the boredom; the things we got up to; I’d throw everything down: the drinking games; the punch-ups we used to have with each other.
“And then it’s got me dodging rockets and mortars in Iraq, and scraping up and digging up IEDs in Afghanistan, as well as putting my dead mates in body bags and carrier bags …
“I went from having scribbles in a notepad to dedicating some time and writing it down and reliving it all. And it did open a can of worms to be quite honest.”
Steve, an engineer for a soft drinks company, ultimately found his peace while trying to help a contemporary in his voluntary work for another charity.
He continued:
“I’m a caseworker for SSAFA (originally the Soldiers’ and Sailors’ Families Association) and through my casework, I was helping an RAF gentleman.
“I contacted Help for Heroes for him, and I was on the phone to this lady – I don’t know if she sensed something was wrong with me – but I was hiding all this personal trauma and problems and she just asked, ‘Are you all right?’
“I said I was, but she came back ‘are you sure?’ And I just started crying and opening up to her. I told her I don’t know what’s wrong with me; I can’t hide it anymore; it’s killing me.
“At that stage I didn’t know about the Charity’s Hidden Wounds team. I’d tried other charities and the NHS, but I wasn’t impressed and just started lying and saying I was OK. Through the support I received from the Hidden Wounds team, I was able to pack it all up and put it away for good.”
As part of his recovery with the Charity, Steve undertook some online recovery college courses, including one designed to improve his ability to sleep at night.
“I hadn’t had a proper night’s sleep for years without being really drunk,” he recalled.
“I had nightmares all the time. My wife wakes me up because I’ve been having night terrors. I completed the five-week, five-session course, and the nightmares stopped. I can’t explain it, but it was brilliant. I learned the ins and outs of sleep and sleepiness.
“After that, my actual therapy got very dark at times. I opened up boxes I hadn’t opened previously – didn’t want to open up – but I did it in a controlled environment. And it changed my life. I haven’t had a nightmare since. I was having flashbacks and that’s all stopped. And I’m happy. I wasn’t happy before. My wife’s happy because I’m happy.
“I can’t explain it, but it was amazing and, now, I tell everyone about Hidden Wounds. I learned through the therapy that crying is just an emotion, just like laughter’s an emotion. Yeah, you don’t want to be crying all the time, but it’s OK to cry. And it really helps to talk about issues with your mental health.”
Steve’s book, Not Another Squaddie’s Story, has been self-published through Kindle Direct Publishing, (Amazon, £9.99). He hopes it can help other people who find themselves in a similar position to his.
He added:
“I’ve got to help people, really. There was a veterans’ breakfast club locally that had just started, and they wanted some posters made. So, because I can buy the copies cheaper, I bought a load to sell among the members, with all profit going into the breakfast club.
“And the Harlow group, which I attend, had some copies and with the proceeds was able to pay for its publishing, like posters and leaflets.”
Help for Heroes champions the Armed Forces community and helps people live well after service. The Charity supports veterans and their families with their physical and mental health, as well as welfare and social needs. It has already supported tens of thousands – and won’t stop until every veteran gets the support they deserve.
The Charity supports veterans from any branch of the UK military – regulars or reserves – irrespective of length or place of service, and locally embedded civilians (and their families) who worked under the command of UK Armed Forces.
